So it's been a while, months actually, since i've written here. The start of 09 has been pretty rough. And in the last five months, it seems that death is so imminent. A few weeks ago, one of my homies from back home passed away. I was so shocked and sad that he was killed and since I haven't been home in a while, it hasn't really set in. There are days where I still feel like hes alive and that i'll still be able to see him. His screen name still shows up on my buddylist, and i just don't believe hes gone. What makes it worse, hes one of my best friend's cousin and i wasn't able to go to the wake or the funeral because of school. I really wanted to be there to support his family and all his friends who i know are grieving also. It's going to be so different going home and him not being around anymore. On top of that, January was a rough month also because there were other deaths around me, including Kris and my boyfriend's grandpa. I can't help but feel scared of death because i constantly am questioning how and why these people died when and they way they did. Life is too short for bullshit, and this year has also been filled with a lot of bullshit and bullshitters. I really want to enjoy and embrace life, but there has been a lot surrounding me that makes it hard to do so. I realize that i have to rid myself of what is holding me back from reaching my full potential and just being myself. I've felt somewhat lost lately, but after venting to my boyfriend one night, i have been able to step back from my situation to evaluate what i should do and what i need. I'm going though some reform right now. I'm in a funny place, but i am positive that i'm headed in the right direction. I'm hopeful and excited to know what is ahead of me.
Rest in Peace Alexander Apalit and Kris Manansala
Awaiting the future,
bravebird.
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